Love Me, Love Me Not

Dear bewinners,

Your recent string of correspondence has left me confused and somewhat bitter. After all the good and bad times we’ve shared together I thought I deserved something better. Something more respectful. Instead you’ve done nothing but toy with my emotions.

On December 1st, you sent me the following message.

What do you mean that you want to work with the best? Am I not good enough for you? Am I less than “the best”?

I can understand how you feel. I haven’t been supporting you in the way you need supported. You probably felt hurt and neglected. I totally understand that. I would feel the same way.

But you have to understand, when we first met you were a totally different person. You’ve changed. That’s not just my opinion but the opinion of many other people in your life. One minute we’re toasting our vows to share the lifetime revenue of the players I send you and the next thing I know you’re telling me that you no longer want to honor those vows and that you plan on making your decision retroactive.

How’s a guy supposed to feel in a situation like that? Hurt? Confused? Violated? Yes, yes, and yes. I admit that our falling out is as much my fault as it is yours because instead of trying to understand what was causing this rift in our relationship I was selfish and only thought of myself.

But then you sent me this email on December 31st.

I think this is pretty heartless considering that you were already planning on ending our relationship. You send me this email leading me to believe that we’re cool again but behind the scenes you are already preparing to dump me. I had gotten my hopes up thinking that maybe you wanted to reconcile. Maybe we could put the past behind us and look forward to a brighter future together.

So imagine my surprise, shock, and hurt when you send me this email just a few days later.

You heartless bitch! It’s over, just like that? I take a little “me” time and you throw away everything we shared together?

As long as we’re coming clean on a few things I thought I might let you know about things that I lied about during our relationship. Your ass does look fat in those jeans! Your cooking isn’t fit for human consumption and and spelling your name with a lowercase “b” is not cute nor does it make you look younger. It’s just pathetic!

BTW, I’m keeping the Whitney Houston CD I bought you for your birthday. Not because I like Whitney Houston but because I know you love Whitney and I’m a vindictive prick.

Sincerely,

William Rini

PS. I faked my orgasms.